If you followed my old blog, Word Salad Spinner, you may wonder why I stopped updating 2 years ago. I was still writing, as evidenced by the skit below. A lot of my working hours, however, were spent on… what happens in the skit below.
Clear Up The Confusion
Nick Edinger
PROSPECT and SALESPERSON sit on
opposite ends of the stage. They pick up
their phones at the same time.
SALESPERSON
Hey, thanks for taking this meeting. Sorry I’m late, my alarm clock didn’t go off.
PROSPECT
No worries. Happened to me too, matter of fact.
SALESPERSON
Oh really? That’s funny. So. As we near the due date on this deal, my goal is to clear up any confusion on both sides. Did you want to start anywhere in particular?
PROSPECT
No.
SALESPERSON
Got it. So, in your mind, where did we lose track on our main goal?
PROSPECT
To be honest, my department went crisis to crisis this month. I saw the meeting invite but didn’t check my notes. What goal did we have?
SALESPERSON
Clear up the confusion.
A pause.
PROSPECT
… I thought that’s what we’re doing now.
SALESPERSON
Right, right! Sorry, didn’t check my notes. Since there’s been a lot of action in the past month, you know, lots of moving pieces, it’s important we’re on the same page as we move forward, you know?
PROSPECT
What page is that?
SALESPERSON
The right page.
PROSPECT
What?
SALESPERSON
What?
A pause.
PROSPECT
Start over. What are you trying to do?
SALESPERSON
Clear up—
PROSPECT
Don’t say it! Tell me what you’re selling me.
SALESPERSON
Hey, friend, let’s not think of it that way. You know what you need to succeed in your industry, and my job is to support your decisions.
PROSPECT
And what decision is that?
A pause. SALESPERSON realizes the gig is up.
SALESPERSON
Well, from my point of view, it’s quite simple.
PROSPECT
Really.
SALESPERSON
You want to find out what’s going on.
PROSPECT
You don’t say.
SALESPERSON
But from your point of view… it’s clear…
PROSPECT
That the guy running the deal lost his marbles.
SALESPERSON
Yes! Exactly! I have the same concerns as well, which is why I’m wondering what you wanted to get out of this meeting?
PROSPECT
Excuse me?
SALESPERSON
I understand we’re both busy, so to save time I’m here to answer any questi—
PROSPECT
Ok, stop. Listen here. I have no clue what you’re talking about. You called me to “set things straight,” and after listening to you I don’t know if I can even walk straight. Give me a simple answer, or I’ll never buy from you again: what did we decide to do during our last call?
SALESPERSON panics silently. Then,
a wicked idea comes to their mind.
SALESPERSON
You decided to buy.
PROSPECT
Ok, now— I did?
SALESPERSON
Yes! Yeah, yeah. Large order too. It was confusion about not what was going to be purchased, but why things were taking so long. Easy mistake, I make it all the time. (nervous laughter) So here I am to say, it’s all right, the distributor fought off the tiger attack, and I’ll place the order once you hang up.
PROSPECT
Well, that’s good news. What did I buy? …what even do you sell?
SALESPERSON
Well, I think of my role as selling myself and my personality to prospective—
PROSPECT
You’re selling yourself?
SALESPERSON
… yes, but not in a litera—
PROSPECT
Ok, got it. Now that I bought you, be sure to give yourself overnight shipping.
PROSPECT hangs up the phone. SALESPERSON
stares at their phone in disbelief.
SALESPERSON
I suppose if human life is priceless, a little markup wouldn’t hurt…
PROSPECT
(slaps head) That was it! We broke our alarm clock!
BLACKOUT